Should bullying be a crime?

This is an interesting piece from Psychology Today regarding the new anti-bullying legislation.  It's controversial and provocative but full of logic and wisdom.  Let us know what you think!

Bathroom Blues

Fact: our bodies must rid themselves of toxins.  Fact: in order to rid our bodies of toxins, we must keep our routes of elimination open and empty them as needed.  So what is one disturbing trend we have noticed in the first few weeks of school?  Kids are not going to the bathroom!  In fact, some kids are holding it to the point that they can't hold it anymore and wet their pants like they are in pre-school.  Maybe it's just the middle school age, but it seems like this year there are a lot of kids who are afraid to tell a teacher when it's an emergency.  This is not healthy for the student, physically or emotionally.  What can we do?  First and foremost, let your student know that when a teacher offers extra credit for unused bathroom passes that does not mean to save all your passes at all costs.  Secondly, remind your child that if it's an emergency they absolutely must let the teacher know.  "Wait until Johnny gets back" is just not an acceptable answer in an emergency because let's face it, who knows how long Johnny will be gone?  And finally, if they tell the teacher it's an emergency and the answer is still no, better off to just leave the room and deal with the school's behavioral consequences than to deal with the social and emotional fallout of an accident past the age of 6.  Agree?  Disagree?  Let us know!

Problem-solving skills essential to combat bullying

Problem solving skills are essential to prevent kids from being bullies or victims of bullies, according to USA Weekend magazine.  An analysis of over 150 studies appeared in School Psychology Quaterly's June issue shows that kids and teens who have difficulty solving problems are more at risk to be either bullies, victims of bullies, or both.  One of the tips they offer is to avoid jumping in to fix problems, try to step back and let them figure it out for themselves.  We know many parents struggle with this because they are torn between wanting their kids to learn the skills and wanting to avoid seeing them suffer a bit.  It is hard to watch our kids flounder as they work to figure things out between friends, with siblings, or even with teachers.  However the more practice they have at doing so, the more competent they become.  Not only is problem-solving an essential skill to prevent bullying, but it's also the hallmark of a successful employee, spouse, parent, and friend.  Tell us how being a good problem-solver has helped your child!

What can a parent do to prevent bullying?

Last week New York Governor David Paterson signed into law the Dignity for All Students Act, anti-bullying legislation requiring schools to revise their Codes of Conduct, conduct employee sensitivity training, and train at least one employee in instructional and counseling methods.  New York became the 44th State to enact similar legislation, but we have to wonder what type of impact these laws will truly have.  Parents may become more aware of the consequences for bullying, but is it realistic to believe this knowledge will prevent all students from engaging in bullying behavior?

After working in schools for so long, we know that most bullying behavior happens away from adult eyes and ears.  These days much of it happens in online portals such as Facebook, AIM, iChat, Skype, etc. as well as over cell phones and text messages.  Some of it leaves a trail, but much of it does not.  The best thing parents can do to make sure their child is not a victim OR a perpetrator of bullying behavior is to monitor these lines of communication.  If your child has a Facebook, make sure you have the password and check it regularly.  Check the comments, check the inbox, look at what your child is writing to others and what they are writing to your child.  Simply being your child's Facebook friend is not enough.  There are too many ways of communicating via Facebook that a "friend" can't see.  If your child has a cell phone, we recommend a "check in, check out" policy.  At bedtime, the phone should be turned in to parents.  You can use that time to skim through text messages (inbound and outbound) and look at the call log.  The phone can be returned to your child in the morning, provided all the text messages were on the up and up.  As for the other internet portals such as iChat and AIM, we recommend ALL computer use take place in common areas of the home not in the seclusion of a child's bedroom.

Last but not least, if you do see evidence of bullying on the computer or the cell phone, please immediately bring the evidence to the school's attention.  Many parents are under the impression that if it happens outside of the school grounds the school does not have jurisdiction to investigate or issue punishment.  This is simply not true anymore.  If the bullying takes place outside of the school but causes the student to feel intimidated or uncomfortable attending school, it IS the school's place to investigate and take action.